Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Welll...Is HE or isn't SHE????

So I know that I have told you about Tatum's cat Chance before. Big. (17 lbs big) long haired. White. Sissified to the einth degree. Scaredy cat. Big baby. Love bug. Sweet chance :)

Any ways...Chance {{ahem}} has always been made fun of in our house for his...how shall I put this...NON male qualities. Not a tough guy is he. Tatum got him when she was 8 and showered him with dresses and baby strollers and he obliged. Loud noises and mice and I believe that Chance gets the heck out of Dodge. When a door is left open to the outside and the other cats are sniffing the fresh air and planning their great escape into the wonder of the outside world, Chance high tails it for the safety of the basement or under a bed.

So as we packed for our vacation last week, it was worrisome to me that our guy was MEOWING around room to room. The boys playing on the computer yelled "Hey Mom! Chance won't shut up!!" Jake then told me that earlier he had heard Chance under his bed meowing up a storm too. I called, "Here Chance" and tried to let him to the basement in case he had to use the litter box but he just kept meowing.

Darnnit. I went downstairs to investigate and saw signs of cat puke everywhere. Double darnnit.

I called the vet and squeezed an appt into my day. Six of us were driving 19 hours the next morning, and the last thing I wanted was a sick cat.

The vet took one feel and told me that his bladder was soooo full and he was about 6 hours from death. Apparently he had a blockage and couldn't pee. Long story short, I left him in good hands and knew my neighbors would pick him up in a couple days after the doctor cleared up the problem. Whew....problem dodged....so I thought.

Once in Miami I called the vet to check in. He had some surprising news.

Chance, apparently had a very small penis. An abnormally small small penis. So small that even the smallest of stones (ones that were not even showing up on xray) could not pass. The doctor had ideas of things we could do, but his bladder was so full of them that ultimately it would lead eventually to.......

a sex change operation.

I kid you not.

As I crossed Miami traffic with 4 kids in tow, and talked to the good doctor on my cell phone, THIS is what he told me! He would need to cut off Chance's penis and make it into an opening similar to a vagina. So things could pass more easily. You. have. got. to be. kidding. me. We were boarding a cruise ship the next morning with 12 family members and I would have no cell phone reception. I needed to talk. to. Mike.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

(can you hear it now???? Please Mike can we spend the money on our cat to give it a vagina!)

Being my man, and my wonderful husband he of course let me proceed and as we speak Chancalina (as Mike calls him/her) is healing just fine.

Only us, I swear, LOL!