Thursday, August 12, 2010

My take on Marriage~today at least/ letter to Mike

Where do I start??? And how do I diplomatically explain this all without making me look so bad, lol?

All marriages have peaks and valleys. When you are at the top of a peak you feel empowered. "We did it! We can do this - see! We can show the world! You and Me, babe!"

And when you hit the valleys you have to just ride them out. Ride and ride sometimes. This is where we loose alot of people I think today.

They fold.

If the valley is long enough I can understand the temptation. Especially if you feel you are in the valley alone.

I was raised in a family though luckily where marriage was forever. Like for real. No matter what. Problems arose and things got ugly, and you just stuck it out and were together. There was not divorce. Mike came from the exact opposite, but the result of his line of thinking came to the same place. His parents divorced and things were so raw and sad and loud and ugly that he knew he never wanted that either. I think that is a part of why our marriage has lasted so long is just the mentality of "We are together. Period."

It has been a hard balance for me to digest the whole definition of "ME". We are partners, but one has the career and one stays home with the children. (don't get me wrong about reading this sentence- It was my life dream to get to stay home and raise babies. That was the best wish come true!) But with that entails the One has the income, the status, the time clock, and the power. You really loose your sense of partnership in there- how could you not??

If he leaves for work before the kids gets up- and gets home after they go to bed...did he still get to fit in a workout at the Y?? home late because of his guitar gig?? -when he comes home he wants me to watch his guitar gig on the computer and I don't...he is mad. Does he not know that right before he walked in I peeled the sleeping 3 year old off my chest after 45 minutes of trying to get her to sleep. that I worked in the office on his business for 3 hours that day. That I did dishes and laundry, and drove the boys around. That I battled our preteen over video games, and got the garbage to the curb for garbage night. That I vacuumed and washed Summer's hair with knots and that's she had 2 tantrums that day. That I deposited money in the bank and made sure the 16 year old was home by curfew. That I JUST haven't had a minute to myself yet, that I even had to poop with a preschooler and a cat and a 9 year old knocking at the door???

Do I support his playing????

Well...did you just read the previous paragraph?

I may not be able to sit throughout the video. I'm so sorry. Tatum had just walked in with my damn Cinamelt from McDonald's, and LA ink was on. I hear you play guitar throughout the air vents for HOURS every. single. night.

But do I support you???


I think I've got your back. And if you don't see that then I'm hurt. Man. I need a moment too. I love you. Go chase your dream. Help me chase mine. But we have to be aware of our other half.