Monday, September 13, 2010

Letting Go

I never realized I had such a tight fist on my children. I guess if in other circumstances, like an adrenaline pumped life or death situation, I of course would know. I could prove. I could use that tight clasp to show.

But this is 360 of that. This is not lifting a car off their body to save their life. This isn't walking through flames. This is the complete opposite. This is trusting all the precious time I had before this moment, to have faith I served them well, and to let go.

You know that moment. It comes in little practice spurts as they grow. Oh, like riding the bus for the first time to Kindergarten (I follow Tatum in my car), or letting them ride their bikes off your street.

But this. This is the real McCoy. This ain't playin.

This is that moment in time where you uncomfortably sway from foot to foot. Wanting to be strong, feeling your child's esp message saying..."Come ON Mom". You hope that you taught them well. You actually feel fear. All that time of them growing up, that seemed like forever to live...all those moments you HAD to teach them, are gone. It is gametime. It's now. Put up or shut up. The grains of sand are gone. Prove it.

Tatum is with a boy. She and he really really like each other. They are together whenever they can be. All I know is she is NOT here. Lol...she is missing our little group of 6's dinners and talks and car rides instead to opt for her own plans. She is pushing curfew every night, and off in her car with her own job and school and life {sob} it seems.

She is smart. And headstrong, and beautiful and independent. And I couldn't be prouder. But she has become HER.

Jake I let ride his bike to school today. 6:30 in the a.m. With a bike lock, cell phone and promise to call me as soon as he got there. My son is OUT THERE with CARS.

Cars people.

Ouch. That one hurt so bad. The fist reacted strongly to that.

They are coming left and right now. These bittersweet moments. Soon my hand will not be in a fist at all, but open for when THEY chose to come back to hold it.

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings."
Hodding Carter