I know that maybe I should be feeling alot more than relief about this, but really I gotta just go with the emotions I am feeling at the time. I am sure all the other feelings will come and fall into place.
For a very long time I have tried to keep up. With everybody else. I have secretly felt bad that I couldn't. I felt embarrassed that I couldn't. I have fought anxiety and depression and blamed it on that. Sleeping 9 hours a night wasn't enough and I felt exhausted all the time. I blamed it on the strain of raising my kids, running our home, running our business, keeping our marriage. I felt alone and lost that I wasn't able to do it all. You hear everywhere that everyone struggles to do it all, and I thought that I was just struggling like everyone else, but just really bad at it...
For my Dr visit that I have to attend for her to be able to continue the prescriptions I am on for my headaches and such, I did a blood test. The results that came back were very surprising.
She noticed that I am anemic, which is the part that I feel great relief on. FINALLY it isn't all in my head. All this time, the freezing and the exhaustion was not me being lazy or not involved. It was real! I was put right on iron. The scary part that I guess will catch up with me, is that the test that shows I am anemic also shows that I have lost 3 and a half liters of blood.
This of course has to be addressed and is and will and next week is already filled with dr appt.'s and scopes of horrifying nature and discussions of real hard things.
But for now.
I am going to start feeling better. Iron pill by iron pill. I am going to cherish this sunny day and my kids and my husband. I am going to take my pictures and read my books a walk my puppy, and love this moment in time I have been given. What relief it is to know a better you is to come!