Kitchen Update!!!

Our New Countertops came today!!! Whew. Merry Christmas to us!!! The pictures are SOOO subtle, but in person, it does really make such a difference, AND give it a more streamline, clean look.
ABOVE IS BEFORE..........
.
.
.and BELOW is AFTER!!!!!!


Below is the Old sink and Countertops.....
and now the NEW!!!!
NEW!
NEW!
YAY! We are super happy with the improvement, and ready to start the new year with a kick a$$ kitchen, lol!!!

Ballroom Dancing

The gift was for us. A designated time to set off into a new territory alone together. I think it has surprised us both how much we like it. Out of the box, finding each other, enjoying each other.

Stockings!

For Christmas we have taken on the tradition of doing the stockings as an exchange. That way it gets everyone involved in the act of giving, and doesn't overwhelm ME so much! It's fun and on Thanksgiving everyone loves passing the hat to see what name they draw!

This year I was super excited to see that I had gotten Mike's name. You remember the post I did about Mike losing his wedding ring, and it has now been 6 months that that man has walked this earth with bare hands.

I knew that I had a $30 cap on our stockings, but oh what fun it would be for him to find a wrapped jewelery box at the bottom of HIS stocking!!!

Our rings are white gold, and when I went into the jewelery store to find him a ring I was floored to see how much white gold bands were now! I had been aware of all the commercials advertising selling old jewelery and how the price of gold had gone up...but I guess I hadn't put two and two together. This was not me selling! This was me buying! Hrmph! It was tooo much!

The jeweler and I came up with a great compromise. Until He and I can get nice expensive set (which 19 years later still don't have...it's okay sentimental does outweigh it all) there was a beautiful cheaper metal called Dura Colbolt. I got a design on it, but it isn't etched so flour from work won't get stuck in it! Awesome!

It feels so good to have a ring back on his finger. I think he loves it:) I know I do!

My Secret Photography Project

This is the secret photography project I have been working on. We have dedicated a room in our house to some of my work. A neighbor of ours who use to own a little shop in town recently moved and cleared out all of these window panes which I cleaned up and used as frames.

Some of the pictures are really dark, but since we put the Christmas tree in here, I wanted to capture the beauty of the Christmas lights lighted on the glass, and took it in Manual. Haven't quite mastered Manual and darkness yet.

Thanks Kimber

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Louis De Bernieres

Our Rainbow Girl

For Summer's Preschool "Breakfast With Santa", they put on a little performance before hand. The build up for this in my four year old's mind had made her about half wild. For the past month Summer has been learning all the words to various Christmas songs, very caught up in the story of Jesus and his birth, and super excited about the little program they were going to put on. Her daily make believe and play includes babies that are Jesus and Daddy is called "Mary" and it really has been a fun phase.

One of the things she talked about in the weeks leading up to the event was that some of the children were going to get costumes! I asked her what her costume was going to be, but she wouldn't tell me. She just would say that it was a secret. As the weeks went by, I did get out of her that some of her friends were angels, and finally she did relent and tell me in a whisper that she was a rainbow.

A rainbow!

So as the day slowly came, I divulged the secret of her dressed up rainbow costume to my mother and husband and anxiously waited in the audience for the program to start. She had been dropped off to her preschool teachers caring hands and was going to be led in.

Camcorder and camera was ready, but I was not. Here is Summer.

LOL! She was one of the Three Wise Men.

Happy as a clam in her "rainbow" cloak, her fellow girlie preschooler wore halo's and wings, but my daughter clunked her present for baby Jesus in the manager and took her spot on the stage with a big smile on her face.

After, we received beautiful handmade presents from the children and got to see Santa while we ate.

(waiting in line to see the big guy)
(she sat on MRS. Claus's lap, lol)
It was a fantastic start to the weekend. I'm so sad thinking this is the last baby of mine {{sniff}} What fun memories we made!

My Weekend ~Trenches Style

For Christmas Mike and I decided our gift to each other would be a big project for the house, and so we are investing in the kitchen. We are redoing the counter tops and putting in a new sink, and although this is very exciting and something to look forward to, we need to keep it within a budget ( granite can get unsightly expensive!!!) and the process of ordering and setting up in home remodeling stores are not so fun with 4year olds :)

As this weekend approached and we narrowed down what we were going to do, our microwave door came off in my hand. Really!? And on our list of something to grab and Mike could install himself in this 2 day block got penciled in.

There was also the town's annual Horse Drawn Christmas parade through town. Summer got invited to her friends house, who sits right on the main street for the perfect view. We couldn't miss that!

And so with our kids (well minus the working one (Tatum) and the sleeping hormonal one (Jake) ) we set out with our dressed up puppy in control of this weekend.

Hours and HOURS later as we carried in exhausted kids, dog, coats, and microwave....with the door wide open for the box to fit through the door...in ALSO came in a BIRD!

So as Mike installed a microwave with the old one sitting in the yard and Summer sitting in the boxes in the family room...Jake and Matthew carried in ladders and tried to help me catch the wild bird who chirped and clung to our 2nd story chandelier.

Finally with towels and and the house torned apart, mud from the extension ladder on the walls, bird caught, I left to go pick up a pizza for dinner. Microwave installed. We all went to bed.

Sunday came with me running back to the Home improvement store to finalize the kitchen order, and coming home to realize that our one cat had been trapped in Tatum's room for over a day. (she had spent the night at a friends and did not come home) He had used her bed and laundry piles as a litter box.

Start up the Washing machines! OMG.

So as I tore apart her room and threw stuff out, did homework with Matthew, and took Jake to Kohls for jeans, Lol, Matthew out of the blue decides to tell me that he wants to be baptised.

Bless his heart.

I stopped with everything and talked with him. He said he knows that Tatum and Jake have been and he wants it too.

Looks like we're going to church on Sunday :)

It was a whirlwind that's for sure. I don't even know how I'm going to get Christmas together, lol! But it's all good. It's all awesomely good.

Merry Christmas TO ME!!

I got my package from Arizona ( Lacey ) today!!! She is super wonderful. She did what I did for her last year and has filled my holiday season with the 12 days of Christmas!!! A present every day JUST FOR ME! The problem?? Ummm. It is FREAKING DECEMBER 3rd! And I have no restraint.

But I am determined to make this special. And as meaningful as she meant it to be, so in the name of honoring our friendship, I WILL NOT ALLOW myself to ruin it by opening them all rightthisverysecond. (even though I really really REALLY want to!)
( I think she wrapped the ones in HO HO HO paper just to mock me! You think??)

The Verdit Is In

My testing went off without a hitch. I can thank Jesus for all He has done for me and for watching over me this entire time. Everything really did go pretty smoothly and I am so grateful that my results didn't come back in the many wild directions they could have gone.

Long and short of it is I have several ulcers in my stomach area. When I asked the Dr. how many, he just emphasised "MANY". Some were bad enough they were bleeding, and some looked as if they were about too. But this I can handle. Given my directions of what to do, I am on it. I go back in 8 weeks for another upper GI.

I am so blessed to have such friends surround me. One, who has been through it all, and just having that connection of "you know" gave me such comfort and relief to be able to talk it over with. Thank you Lisa.
One upped her friend card to the highest level, and while I was left alone with a house full of kids and a suprep bowel kit, LOL, googled the heck of all my questions as fast as I could text, and though MILES and states away, stayed by side the whole night seeing it through. We laughed, we cried, we talked about poo more than people ever should, but THAT is what a real friend does. Thank you Lacey.
I had friends pray and send texts and show up at the door with baked goods. Just having me in your thoughts meant so much. Love you Linna.

And my mom and husband. Who dropped everything to take care of life for me for the day. Thank you guys. I love you both so much and do not know what I would with out you.

So I am back on track to getting healthy. And grateful for the chance.

The Good The Bad and The Ugly

Today has had a BROAD spectrum of highs and lows hitting here in the trenches.

I duck and weave as necessary, but really am holding my own. The good is oh so good and I just roll with the punches as they come.

It's laughable really the descriptions of events in this odd day, and easier to just give you some of the classic glimpses.

Tomorrow I cannot eat. At all. Only liquids, and have to do some horrific preparations for scopes they are planning to do the NEXT day at the hospital. It was super fun going to the grocery store pharmacy and having a 20 something girl not be able to find my "BOWEL PREP". As I joked that that looked horrifying when she brought a abnormal big prescription bag over, she soothed me by telling me that I had ordered for me the "smallest one"...so I was lucky.

Yay Me!!!

As my 14 year old gently put it, it's like I'm getting a car wash on my insides.

can I hear another Yay?!?!

Throughout the day I have been working with my friend from childhood who is a travel agent, and got a screaming deal on Mike and I's tropical getaway! The deal ended today though and we had to move on it! So we did! (for real this time..) YIPEEEE!!!

We are going to Antigua in the Caribbean, and staying in an all inclusive Adults only resort. Flipping amazing and beautiful and for almost a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was a beautiful gift to my day. I am counting down to May!

Tatum has been throwing up for two days, so Jake joined her today. I picked him up from school about 20 minutes after he got there. Poor Guy. I can't afford to get sick with the next few days so he is banished to his room. I don't think he cares too much. Feeling like death and all.

Summer had preschool and dance, and I had Piano, which was AWESOME.

I don't know. They say snow is coming!? Our Christmas tree is up, and my main goal in the house is laundry and puppy pee, LOL. Wish me luck on tomorrow. And the next day. Here I goooooooo!

Do I Doubt His Commitment ...(to finding it!)

...No.

Is it going to happen.

....No.

LOL!

Let me back up here and explain.

My husband. Of almost 19 years. Has done the unthinkable.


He lost his wedding ring.

MONTHS ago. It has been gone for months.

Although, if you ask him, he will tell you, bare handed, it is NOT lost.

He KNOWS where it is.

He just can't get it.

Or find it....exactly.

You see, early this summer, driving home in the dark, it flew off his hand in the car. Into his extremely messy Honda Pilot 8 seater car. (filled with guitars and amps and Papa johns stuff...and trash). He ASSURED me that it was just a matter of time before it would turn up.

He looked.

I looked.

He cleaned the car.

I cleaned the car.

Months, time, and frustrations passed.

I would occasionally hold his naked hands and tease.

But it really got his goat!

I started to see that he really, REALLY did not KNOW where it was and it hurt him not to have it. It was no fun to tease him then... bleh.

So here we are in almost December and still no ring.

And do you know what I came home to yesterday???

That man. That man had UNBOLTED THE FACTORY PLACED FRONT SEATS of his car. To be sure. To MAKE sure that he hadn't overlooked a spot.

OMG.

That cannot be safe.

I guess I know without a doubt now his dedication to wearing his wedding band :)

My Boys

My boys are not book reading, chess playing, lego building kind of boys.

No offense to those of you who have those kinds of boys. In fact...yay for you!~

I on the other hand do NOT have those kind of boys.

I have farting, putting in headlocks, "what does THIS do", "How can I break this", climbing on top of, loud, thundering, messy, boys.

The kind that get virus's in your computer over and over and over from unspeakables ( true story)

The kind that test out air pellet guns in sweatshirts. ( stupid true story)

The kind that play with matches in the woods. ( dead meat true story)

The kind that fight warts and ringworms and every kind of gross malady ( eeww true story)

The kind that shoot their little brother in the belly button with liquid nitrogen (not funny and true story)

The kind that eat spoon of peanut butter stirred in cups of milk ( true story )

The kind that their room smell so bad you have to locate the the rotten food ( clementine this time...again not funny...had mold..true story)

But my boys have this amazing heart that you can NOT make come out...it comes out on it own. That is the kind that makes you the proudest though. When they check on you. When they offer to help. When they stand up for you. When they curl up with you and watch tv.

But I know that this time with them is a glimmer and I take it all. These maddening, beautiful, crazy, sweet, messy, boys. One who is now as tall as me, and both who now are stronger than me. What a ride. What a ride!

What You Talkin Bout Willis??

I had my appointment today with the specialist and I feel positive as to where things are going. Scopes are set up for next week to determine for fact the problems, but the Dr. is leaning towards a pretty good ulcer.

As I sat there talking with the Dr. and he was taking apart my history, he was acknowledging the significant blood loss I had had, and the new onset of anemia. He casually says to me... "so are you eating allot of ice?"

This struck me as SO odd! 1.) because that is not something normally said to you, but 2.) Yes, YES, YES!!! I had been!!!

I was so taken aback by this. That he knew...KNEW of my secret ice eating habits that had been forming over the past few months!, that I stammered..."howdidyou KNOW?!?!?!"

He laughed and said it was a symptom of anemia and asked if I was drawn to eating play-dough or other odd things in which I shook my head no to profusely, but was amazed that he KNEW!

For months I had been driving through drive thru's at restaurants ordering fountains drinks, JUST to get the crunched ice. Certain restaurants had better cuts, is how crazy I had gotten. This strange habit had slowly sliden into my life quietly and with how busy my life is, I had not given it much thought. UNTIL this appt. At times I was aware that it was a bit odd...when Mike and I watched TV and I would crunch away on ice, and I would think to myself..."gosh I am LOUD...LOL!". But otherwise, until this moment, I had written it off.

I could of sat there freaking out about colonoscopy's and upper GI scopes, but I was so taken aback by being called on this, silly me kept telling the Dr..."I can't believe you knew about the ice!"

I feel good that something so ridiculous made the appt. light, and I now have the game plan of what to do to get better.

Gravity

I know that maybe I should be feeling alot more than relief about this, but really I gotta just go with the emotions I am feeling at the time. I am sure all the other feelings will come and fall into place.

For a very long time I have tried to keep up. With everybody else. I have secretly felt bad that I couldn't. I felt embarrassed that I couldn't. I have fought anxiety and depression and blamed it on that. Sleeping 9 hours a night wasn't enough and I felt exhausted all the time. I blamed it on the strain of raising my kids, running our home, running our business, keeping our marriage. I felt alone and lost that I wasn't able to do it all. You hear everywhere that everyone struggles to do it all, and I thought that I was just struggling like everyone else, but just really bad at it...

For my Dr visit that I have to attend for her to be able to continue the prescriptions I am on for my headaches and such, I did a blood test. The results that came back were very surprising.

She noticed that I am anemic, which is the part that I feel great relief on. FINALLY it isn't all in my head. All this time, the freezing and the exhaustion was not me being lazy or not involved. It was real! I was put right on iron. The scary part that I guess will catch up with me, is that the test that shows I am anemic also shows that I have lost 3 and a half liters of blood.

Liters!

This of course has to be addressed and is and will and next week is already filled with dr appt.'s and scopes of horrifying nature and discussions of real hard things.

But for now.

I am going to start feeling better. Iron pill by iron pill. I am going to cherish this sunny day and my kids and my husband. I am going to take my pictures and read my books a walk my puppy, and love this moment in time I have been given. What relief it is to know a better you is to come!

The New Eighteen

It is here.

The number we waited for, strived for, prayed to get to. Don't know what to do with now that we are here.

For so long our goal has been to make it. To make a house full of love, foundations strong, lessons we learned not needing history to repeat itself. We took the hard way sometimes and we took our way. We held on, and now we are having to let go. The difficult dance of when to do what, and where is HARD to know.

Sometimes I get heady and drunk on compliments and think to myself..."Oh wow. This was an amazing journey, and we did awesome!". And then other times I think if my body and mind and soul can handle this. Cause it all feels like it is breaking at once.

I almost think it got harder once the dial on that clock changed. We lost some leverage, and challenges arose. Seeing what you have hoped so hard for and then letting go, knowing they do not carry on with the same path you started for them. Letting them walk it now. Still being there to guide them, but oh how the rules have seemed to change.

This has been a bittersweet birthday. One that started 18 years ago with a girl younger than her, choosing a life for her and her baby. Now I have to learn how to let go and let her choose, but find the balance of always being there and loving her. It becomes a blur of your dreams for her and what her dreams are and the tightrope walk of standing your ground on respect but yet letting her fall if she has to. How do you let someone fall that you have always caught???

Anyways. It has been a month now since her birthday and oh what a field of emotions that have ensued since. I am just now getting to put up the pictures of her birthday. It was a beautiful night, and just how I had hoped. An elegant promising proud evening to honor our daughter, our first born whom we are so proud of and raised to this age.

Be Inspired

Do you hear that sound???

That music playing??

That is inspiration.

It broke through.

It broke through the static.

Thank Goodness, because the static was beating me down. {{{{The dog just peed on the newly cleaned carpets, and you missed your appt. with the High School for the college presentation}}}

THAT sound is the song I am learning to play right now. Yup. After, oh 20 some years of NOT really playing. I took piano for a decade as a child and just couldn't fit it into adult life. And when Lacey came to visit, and there was a slight pause in the static, INSPIRATION slipped in. In the form of Adele. {{{ 18 year old wants to move in with her boyfriend, 4 year old just cut her finger with daddy's razor}}}

I'm clinging to this. I will make this happen. When I get inspired, you have to watch out. I have lists and projects and this is at the top. Keys are being replaced and lessons are being sought. I am stabbing it out in my free time, yelling over the static if I have to! {{{ 14 year old could sell ice to eskimos and badger me literally to ulcers. 19 years is a long time to be married and I'm not in the mood for setting any records right now, lol }}}

{{{ Said 14 year old fed puppy half jar of nutella with is now in the form of vomit on newly said cleaned carpets, along with the chocolate milk that they are not suppose to have in the family room}}}


I feel pivotal.

Slide

Apple juice was still needed. People still needed clean towels. I knew if I held on tight enough it slowly would all just slide back.

My grip quivered the most it ever has though.

I Heart Fall

I love our little town we live in...you never know WHAT you're going to come across!

Awake and Alive

***Experiencing Fall*** Lacey's Visit from AZ
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