Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

I can not believe it has almost been a week since I did a post last. That is what December will do to you! I couldn't even cram all that has happened in a week in this household into a post, nor would anyone care to read it all, but I can highlight some of the bumps in roads, or notches in the rope, or however you can phrase it best.

I feel at times as if life is not passing me by, but running me over. And some times I want to just lie there and play dead. But that would be too easy. My kids are the ones poking me with sticks saying "MOM!" We need clean laundry.

Speaking of clean laundry we have none. I have been doing super awesome on this the past few months, and a monkey got thrown into the mix.

It's called..."throwing a progressive dinner and buying Christmas presents".

Jake asks for clean jeans. He says he has none in his drawer (it is true). Let's weigh that out here Jake. You HAVE wrapped presents in my closet for Christmas morning...but NO clean laundry. Hmmmm

Mike says there is no clean towels (true...not one). But man, I threw a hell of a party, and our wood floor is really clean! (and there is still really yummy Swedish meatballs in the fridge if you want? No? Doesn't help??)

I just can't do it all this time of year!


Tatum is approaching the date on Wednesday where she has had her temps for 6 months, and is able to take the driving portion of the test to qualify for her full licence. I know if she was an only child I would be all worried and "take it slow!", but Holy Mother of Mercy, I NEED THAT GIRL TO DRIVE HERSELF!

To work. From Work. To Art Club. From Art Club. To the store to get that last minute item for a report (at ten o clock at night). To her friends house. Home from her friends house. To the store to buy her mother milk for Pete's sake!!!!

In Ohio you have to do a maneuverability test, and that is the part that is worrying her. (Let's all take a moment please and cross our fingers and toes and what every else we can cross and wish upon a shiny star that Tatum can pass the maneuverability test...please, please, with a cherry on top, please!)

Oh...she also is trying to get a boyfriend right now, so there is that whole thing/drama/ 16 yo thing going on :)

I went this weekend to go see my grandma. This sentence is deeper than you read. I haven't seen her in 14 months. She is my dad's mom. My dad has been gone for 12 years. She and I were very close. She got very sick and almost died and in a riff in the family that kind of separated us. (she was not legally in my care, and decisions were made that I felt were not made in her best interest). With my own issues of anxiety and such it was best for me to step out of the picture for me and my family at the time.

She is doing okay. Fragile. A little confused. But she hugged me and cried. I went by myself and got to give her undivided attention. We look at old pictures, and new ones, and I got to see that she is doing good! Much better than I had thought. I really was worried it might open some bad wounds or I would have a run in, but I slipped in and out, and I felt. at. peace. I felt good. She is okay.


I think I qualified for the worst mother of the year award today. I really had no patience. Or tolerance. Zero to 99 in a second. I think I crushed little Matty's spirit and said every cuss word a good parent would NEVER say in front of their kids. I swore like a sailor. I actually slammed doors, and asked Mike to divorce me and find a new wife for the children. I really took the cake. I mean it. I am not looking for nice comments or sympathy, I SUCKED TODAY AS A MOM.
I tried alot of times to have a fresh slate and start fresh, and darnnit if they didn't piss me off again immediately.
I could not do it today.

Hence~me in the office blogging with wine, while Mike cooks dinner. I suck.


So here we are. I laid it all out there. If you read all this. With no pictures. And you still kind of like me? Well, you are a true friend. As Summer says...I Lub you! I am gonna take myself out of time out and try that fresh slate ONE more time.

There is a doll house to be built...and alot of laundry to do!

I will try to get back on my blogging saddle and visit and comment with you all this week!