Monday, February 2, 2009

Where are U?


Is this thing on????

Is anyone there, any more?

I seem to have lost someone. And in this process, I in turn feel lost myself.

You see all along it has been the two of us. I was a baby myself when I had her, and I finished growing up while I started raising her.

When Mike worked 2nd shift, Me and her had our own little lives of gymboree, and mom and dad's house, and finding our Independence, and figuring out how to run a washing machine.

When the other children started coming, it was actually HER that told Mike I was expecting Jake, because I was so nervous, and not quite sure how to. I thought it would sound cute to hear a three year old say "Mama is going to have a baby!" How could you get upset with that?

She was always with me, helping while daddy worked evenings, even if it was just companionship, and in exchange for her maturity she would get rewarded with staying up just a little later, and enjoying all our guilty pleasures of reality T.V. and late night baking.

She is the only 15 year old I know that still calls their mom, "Mama"...even Summer at times calls me Mom now.

So why is her door shut ALL the time now? Why does she not ever come out for hours and hours? Why have the books we should and could be bonding over that we both love from Twilight to V.C. Andrews, seem to make me jealous, because all they do is make her distant from me? Where is my friend? WAHHH!!!

I have pouted. I have laid at her door. I have asked to come and play.

I know she needs space. God knows I did at this age. God knows I am getting payback for what I did to my mother at this age!!!!!

But does it have to hurt so stinkin bad??